i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
