Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
