I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
