You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
