Soap is not a condiment
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
