So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
