if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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