i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
