Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
