woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
