I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
