How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
