i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
