Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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