After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
