I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
