you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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