Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
