No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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