you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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