I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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