Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
be right there i have to get my cape
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
