..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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