PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
