I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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