I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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