Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
