I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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