we have pet lesbian snakes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
