this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
