dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
