I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
