It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
