My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it's like iHOP with fire
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
