Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
