Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
