god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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