she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The uberlube is also flammable
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
