I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
