his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my poor anus
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
