too bad you live with your parents still
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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