I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
