New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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