i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk is not a location!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
