goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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