Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
