i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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