Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
