Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
