I just threw up on my dentist
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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