Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
