How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
