I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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