i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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