My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
