Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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